Happy Thanksgiving a day early, from a 2-year-old who says he wants turkey and carrots, but is emphatic about not wanting mashed potatoes. “I really, really don’t like mashed potatoes,” he insists. As his parents, I can assure you he is not divulging new information, but rather information he deems highly important. We’ve learned the hard way a number of times about his disdain for mashed potatoes. Now, Thanksgiving comes with a tinge of...

The world is a complicated place. I’m not even talking about what’s going on in the Middle East. I’m talking about what’s going on under my own roof, and the perceptions of a 2-year-old. Here are 17 of the most ridiculous things my toddler believes: When dad tells him mommy’s not home, it’s a challenge. If he stands at the top of the stairs and yells “MOMMMMMYYYYYY WHERE ARRRRRRRRE YOOOOOOOUUUUU?????” loud enough and...

As head of the household, there were a few things I wanted to convey. So I hijacked dad’s blog to do it. It really is a nice life, this being a toddler. No matter what I do, no matter what kind of mess I make, there’s always someone there to clean it up. Let’s call them the servants. They try to pressure me, persuade me to clean my mess up-but I smile, laugh, feign a lacking vocabulary, and slowly back away. What they don’t know is...

Right now Jamie’s biggest concerns are what he is going to eat for dinner and alerting his parents before bowel movements. After all, he’s 2. The food he wanted 30 seconds ago may no longer be a suitable choice for his refined palate. Mustering up the volume and tears is the best way for him to convey the urgency when it comes to telling his parents about the need to pee. But things are changing. The continuous influx of “Why?” assures us of...

“Is there anything else I can get for you?” the server asked. “MORE FOOOOOD!!!!” This wasn’t the response of some blowhard patron, unburdened by the convention of treating wait staff with human decency. It’s the response of a hungry 2-year-old who doesn’t care that dinner cannot be materialized from the ether. It’s not a one-time occurrence. It’s every time we go to a restaurant. The waiters and waitresses smile and walk away at this point, too...

Want to hear a knock knock joke as told by a 2-year-old? Jamie: knock knock. (Hitting the table and smiling.) Me: Who’s there? Jamie: MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! So the sophistication isn’t quite there yet, but the enthusiasm came in spades. It isn’t even my son’s first attempt at humor. I don’t even remember how it began, but my son has been obsessed with sneezes. Once he observed the “bless you” response, he began fake sneezing. I mean he’d...

The second those halloween decorations come down, I am in the Christmas spirit. I tell my wife all the time that I wish I could buy 4th Of July sparklers and Christmas garland at the same time. It’s only appropriate. Ok, you caught me. I don’t really tell her that. The red cups are out at Starbucks and the retailers are in high gear. We’re glossing over Thanksgiving when we prepare this early, and more toddlers probably...