A true enough account of what the morning hour is like around these parts
It’s about 6 a.m. and talking and bouncing noises have been coming from my son’s room for a few minutes straight. It’s time to acknowledge those noises aren’t going away any time soon.
“Good morning! Do you want to get up?”
“I wanna play toys!! I wanna read books!!”
“Can we get you dressed first?”
“Play toys!! Read books!!”
Yea? I want coffee, kid. A big, fresh cup of coffee.
“Lay on your pad so I can change your diaper.”
“NOOOOOO!!!!”
He goes to pick up a book to bring over to the pad so he can “read” while I change his diaper.
“No, not a library book. You don’t know where that’s been.”
He puts one book down and picks up one that’s his. But this one is the biggest, tallest hard cover book he could find.
“Happy? Now lay on your pad.”
“Dad?”
“Yea, bud.”
“Can I tell you something?”
This should be golden.
“Shake your booty. Shake your booty.”
He starts dancing and smiling, and dancing some more. There’s way too much energy in this room for 6 a.m. There’s no music, but a whole lot of dancing. OK, so I have to laugh. But it’s 6 a.m. and any efforts made by my mouth muscles hurt my face.
“Shake your booty.”
I need alcohol to follow those instructions, but right now all I want is coffee.
After the impromptu performance, he lays down on the pad, perking the book up over his chest, and reciting every memorized line. When I go to get him dressed and change his shirt he battles me for the book with each arm.
“NOOOOOO!!!! I NEEEEED MYYYY BOOOOOK!!!”
“You can have your book in 2 seconds, when I’m done.”
“I NEEEEEEED MICKKKEEEEEYYYY MOUUUUSSSE SHIIIIIRRRRRT!!!!”
“Not this morning, bud.”
I need that freakin’ coffee.
“I need ‘nother shirt, then.”
Coffee, coffee, coffee.
“No, you get this one. The one I picked out.”
“There you go. You’re all dressed. Do you want some breakfast?”
“NOOOO, DAAAADY, I WAAAANA REEAAAD BOOOKS!
“Breakfast?”
“Read books.”
“OK pick a quick book.”
He goes to the shelf. Brings one. I get to page two.
Reading…he interrupts mid sentence.
“Daddy?”
“Yes buddy.”
“I wanna eat food.”
“I kinda figured bud. What do you want to eat?”
“I want watermelon.”
“We don’t have any.”
“I want peanut butter and jelly.”
“That’s not a breakfast food.”
“I waaaaaaant fooood-a.”
“Acceptable answers are pancakes, Cheerios, eggs or yogurt.”
“PAAAAANCAAAAKES”
“Pancakes it is then.”
I bring him a plate. He’s eaten just a couple bites.
Why the hell don’t we have any ground coffee in the house? Coffee. Coffee. Coffee.
“Eat your pancakes bud.”
“No.”
“Are you all done?”
“No. I want more foooood.”
“What do you want?
“Watermelon.”
“We’ve been through this.”
I just bring an applesauce. He lights up and starts eating it.
“I’m all done.”
Sure enough, he’s finished.
“I WAAANNNNAA PLAAAY TOOYS!”
“I’m sure you do bud, but we have a quick errand to run. Wanna go on an adventure?”
“Yes. I wanna go on an adventure!”
We pile up. We get in the car. I get into the drive thru line.
“Daddy’s coffee?”
“Yes. Daddy’s coffee.”
I order. I pay. He waves to the cashier.
“Hiiiii!” he insists, waving until he is acknowledged by a stranger.
They see the cute and adorable. I see the overwhelming need for caffeine I can almost taste.
I pull up to the next window. My hand wraps around the familiar warmth of the large paper cup. I take a quick sip off the filled to the max cup. I smile on the inside, and we go home and play toys.
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