We’re nearing what would be the end of the year for school age children. Since Jamie is only 2, and not in school yet, mom and dad become his de facto educators. In that capacity, it is only right that Jamie receives a report card. Because of his age, he has a somewhat non-traditional field of study. I cannot help but be a somewhat biased and proud parent with a lot of things. But is my kid great at EVERYTHING? Not if I’m truly being honest. Below is a glimpse of his  toddler “classes” with corresponding remarks. I’ll leave the actual grading for later in life. Fashion – The other day I caught Jamie wearing his toy fire helmet, stethoscope and Cubs shirt while playing with a toy train. While this scene offers all sorts of interesting theories on career prospects, it made for a bit of a puzzling fashion statement. There’s also the pizza sauce in the hair thing. Right now, Jamie’s only really got a strong fashion sense if we’re talking about becoming a future member of the Village People. However, to quote Mick Jagger, time is on our side. He’s still too young for much to matter. There is hope for Jamie in the future, unlike the team represented on his shirt. Creativity – Jamie’s turned into a coloring book and sidewalk chalk artist. He loves to play blocks, and build all sorts of random creations. He’s even shown an ability to think outside the box with other endeavors. The other day he pulled the lid off his shape sorter toy, instead of placing the triangle through the triangle-shaped hole. Can you say streamlining workflow? This kid could have upper management in his future. He’s also started going to the other parent when one parent says no for food, or other requests. High marks for creativity. Reading – Jamie’s a quick study here. He can often finish sentences after one or two reads, and quickly picks up on various objects in illustrations. He also has to be holding his own book while we read him another book. But don’t offer to read what he’s holding – it’s a trap. He’ll scream if you remove it from his hands. I do think he’ll be reading us the book he’s holding very shortly. By far, above average. Math – What can I say? Jamie’s mother took all sorts of advanced math classes. Jamie’s father wants to start a petition on Change.org to have letters removed from math equations everywhere. Needless to say, I’m hoping he gets his mother’s sense for math. He counts very well. Sometimes he’ll drift off and mix his numbers up when he’s not paying close attention though. Too soon to...

Jamie is going to be in for one hard dose of reality when he begins watching his children’s movies on live television. We have all his programming stored on DVR. So every time a commercial pops up he let’s the keeper of the remote know this is not acceptable. “Again?! Again?!” If we don’t address this crisis in the first few seconds that it comes to our attention he’ll start repeating the names of the characters from whatever children’s movie he’s watching. Sometimes these are on in the background for mom and dad, while we get more done around the house, so we’re not always there to address each emergency—though they are regularly brought to our attention. Most of the time for me, a movie for Jamie means I’m trying to get something done. This is partly because I’m a parent and an occupied kid means a crack at the to-do-list. It is also partly because dad is already living his hard reality. I’ve got the same disdain for some of these movies that Jamie has for the commercials that interrupt them. Let’s just say that these animated children’s movies are not my genre of choice. I’m working on being more open to them however, given the circumstances. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that I found disagreeable with this genre. Maybe it’s just that some of the stories feel a little too simplified. With animated musicals such as Frozen or Aladdin, it’s because they advance the plot with song and no human living outside of this genre does that. The tendency to randomly break into song is probably an indicator for some kind of mental health disorder. I’m not sure that’s something we should be exposing our children to, especially at an impressionable age. Given a choice, I’d much rather watch a comedy, drama or documentary. It is pretty rare these days that I am given that choice, however—at least until Jamie goes to bed. My feelings for Frozen have already been well documented. Every time I talk with an adult who admits they have never seen the tale of these two princesses, I am immediately overwhelmed with jealousy. Then I wonder what other children’s movies they have not seen, and my jealousy continues to grow. If you want to know if someone has young children, work the phrase “Let it go” into the conversation. After seeing the movie hundreds of times, their body has been conditioned to involuntarily react. They may shudder, smile or flash their significant other a knowing look. But I promise this is a phrase that is burned into a parents’ memory forever. Like I said, Jamie watching a movie usually means dad...

The weather is gradually warming, and spring is showing signs of sticking around a while. That is lucky for me, since there is a driving range between my house and where I work. It serves as a relaxing buffer between the two settings. Once every week or two, I am able to hit a bucket of balls before I head home for the evening to be with Meg and Jamie. I recently wrote about how life is a game for 2-year-olds. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. There’s a lot that can be learned from a game. I’ve hung onto that mentality some, myself. I love playing golf, but I’m not too good at it. I really love a game of chess. Anything you have to think your way through to beat your opponent interests me. And of course I love watching baseball, football and basketball. When I’m on the driving range and not the golf course, I need a way to turn hitting a bucket of balls into a game, rather than spraying aimlessly a dozen different directions. My last few trips I’ve taken my pitching wedge and tried to hit as many balls onto an elevated green about 100 yards away as possible. I am definitely improving my approach game, landing at least a portion of the balls in the proximity of where I intended to put them. It gives me a singular focus and an outcome to strive for in each swing. There is a parenting metaphor in here. Not every ball is going to go where you intend. When you are the parent of a 2-year-old, not every situation is going to go as planned. For instance, I may want to feed him chicken for dinner. But two bites in, he may decide he wants Gold Fish. No pizza. No hot dog. It’s the parenting version of a hook shot. You have to have a short memory, because you can’t be thinking about your mistakes on the last swing. Sometimes you want to hurry up and take your son to grandma and grandpas before work, and the second that you buckle him in, he tells you that he pooped. This is when you face the reality that your morning is going to start later than you thought it would. Slice Pizza sauce in the hair. Hook. The front room looks like a toy bomb went off. Slice. As he laughs and runs around it’s like a ball straight on the green. As he sings the ABCs and counts to 10 it’s like he put one right next to the pin. As I left the range earlier this week, the elevated green had a lot more golf balls on it than when I arrived. I...

It is amazing how quickly a 2-year-old picks up on the importance of technology. The digital versus analog question comes into play early with so much technology present. If I pull my iPhone out in front of Jamie, he might clamor for photos, videos, or circles depending on his mood. Circles is his name for a flash card app that I run with him to teach letters, numbers and some basic vocabulary. He’ll also hand me the remote and say “TV? TV?” If he has something specific he wants to watch, he’ll ask for the main character. “Elsa?” “Buzz?” “Ralph?” Digital Versus Analog My son clamors for “outside!” every time we get in the car or he looks out a window. That’s something I’m grateful for, and a sentiment I hope he can keep until he’s older. He loves his cars, blocks, stuffed animals and other analog, non-technology toys. On one hand, technology will be an integral part of the rest of his life, and he needs to understand how to use it. It’s good to get him introduced to iPhone pictures, flashcard apps, games and other technology for toddlers. On the other hand, I’d rather him play with some toys that do more to spark his imagination. Ah, digital parenting. His experience with technology will be so different than mine. I just read this great piece on the technological middle ground that my generation became a part of. We were the last generation to do so many things, and the first generation to do so many others. Being wedged into this middle ground gave us solid perspective on digital versus analog. Sometimes I think about the advancements in technology that have happened within my lifetime, and how Jamie might react to what I grew up with. There are so many technology advancements that just make me feel old. For instance, what if next time he wanted something on my phone, I showed him a plugged in landline? He’d probably look at it and say “No pictures!” And I’d have to explain that phones didn’t always have pictures, buddy. What if that plugged in landline were rotary, and he had to make a phone call? Oh man, we’d all be in trouble. I am pretty sure that we have a VCR around our house somewhere. We haven’t used it for years. But what if we wanted to watch a movie, and got the VCR out instead of Netflix or Amazon? I’m guessing Jamie could probably tell the difference if he sees something not in HD. Some of the lines that flitter across the screen on a tape would be a clue something’s up. If it didn’t drive Jamie nuts, I’m...

I haven’t spent a lot of time with toddlers other than my son, so it can be a little bit difficult to make sweeping generalizations. Here is one that I am pretty sure resonates with most parents, however: When toddlers wake up, they want out of their cribs. When they want out of their cribs, they alert every adult within a mile radius of this by crying at the highest decibel levels humans were meant to tolerate. I know that Jamie can access that decibel range, because he has used it for other reasons. It used to be the only method he had to tell us he was hungry. When it comes to the crib, my son has defied every toddler rule there is. Jamie would not need to celebrate made up holidays such as 4/20 in order to relax. He can do this on his own. He has been very calm and laid back. He could stay in there for hours making up games with his stuffed animals, having conversations with no one but himself, if we let him. Like many toddlers, Jamie is easily entertained. If you buy him a $20 toy, he might be just as happy tossing the packaging in the air and yelling “Whoa!” He can make a game out of playing with just about any inanimate object. Most toddlers willfully give this trait up in the crib, however. When they wake up, they have a singular focus on getting out. When most toddlers want out, they will make sure anything with ears within that mile radius will have to immediately stop what they are doing to let them out – or go deaf from the overwhelming noise. Jamie has yet to make an escape attempt, though it’s probably coming at some point. He remains easily entertained, despite his surroundings. When Jamie wakes up from a nap, there isn’t a strong sense of urgency, requiring us to stop whatever we are doing immediately so we can get our son out of his crib. We try to be conscious of it, and not let him sit too long, but he’s also not reminding us to do so on full volume. All of this comes with one caveat, however. He is an early morning person. On a weekend when we are hoping for sleep, he can wake up around 5:30 or 6, so we may still end up still a bit tired–par for the course with a toddler. Jamie has proven to be very good natured in situations where you could fully expect him to act like a toddler. He is full of smiles, laid back and easily entertained. Some days I’m not sure where he got it, but I always appreciate it....

Toilet training is a process Jamie’ s shown little interest in, but I know it’s coming. He’s increasingly aware of when his diaper needs to be changed, but not as interested in controlling the process. It may be at least a few months down the road, but I am sure at some point we’ll have to make more regular attempts – something I am not looking forward to. There was a famous writer who when asked about her craft, replied that she liked “having written.” Her point was that she didn’t like the process at all. When it comes to writing, I love having a finished product, but I also enjoy the process – not so with toilet training. Toilet training a toddler sounds about as enjoyable as a root canal. It sounds like a long, excruciating battle that ends up with all parties pissed off at each other. But, I can get behind the final product. The glorious side effect of a boy who can control his bladder movements is of course no more diapers. Toilet Training = No More Diapers Any equation with this result is worth it in my book. I can think of a lot of things I’d rather do with the money spent on diapers, like buy a sports car. OK, so maybe I exaggerate, but I do think the financial life can improve after saying goodbye to that money pit. Maybe we could pick a fancy restaurant to eat one meal a week at for the rest of our lives. The point is that the cost of diapers is ridiculous. There is another aspect to the appeal of toilet training, besides financial. Lately, Jamie has been peeing through his diapers at night to the point where we routinely go through a new set of sheets. It would be awfully nice to put an end to that. He’s soooo close, but not quite there yet. He’s starting to tell us when he needs a diaper change, but not with 100 percent accuracy. Sometimes he’ll say “I poop.” When we smell the evidence we’ll ask him if he pooped. At times he owns it and says yes. But sometimes he issues a flat out denial. He used to give his favorite political answer: “No. Yes. No,” but he doesn’t really do that anymore. It was a toddler’s way of saying that you can’t prove what’s in his diaper actually came from him. He’s just a little over 2 years old right now. My guess is that we need a little more cooperation and desire on his part to make the training worthwhile and feasible. The whole process is on the fly since we have never done this...