We’re nearing what would be the end of the year for school age children. Since Jamie is only 2, and not in school yet, mom and dad become his de facto educators.

In that capacity, it is only right that Jamie receives a report card. Because of his age, he has a somewhat non-traditional field of study. I cannot help but be a somewhat biased and proud parent with a lot of things. But is my kid great at EVERYTHING? Not if I’m truly being honest. Below is a glimpse of his  toddler “classes” with corresponding remarks. I’ll leave the actual grading for later in life.

Fashion – The other day I caught Jamie wearing his toy fire helmet, stethoscope and Cubs shirt while playing with a toy train. While this scene offers all sorts of interesting theories on career prospects, it made for a bit of a puzzling fashion statement. There’s also the pizza sauce in the hair thing. Right now, Jamie’s only really got a strong fashion sense if we’re talking about becoming a future member of the Village People. However, to quote Mick Jagger, time is on our side. He’s still too young for much to matter. There is hope for Jamie in the future, unlike the team represented on his shirt.

Creativity – Jamie’s turned into a coloring book and sidewalk chalk artist. He loves to play blocks, and build all sorts of random creations. He’s even shown an ability to think outside the box with other endeavors. The other day he pulled the lid off his shape sorter toy, instead of placing the triangle through the triangle-shaped hole. Can you say streamlining workflow? This kid could have upper management in his future. He’s also started going to the other parent when one parent says no for food, or other requests. High marks for creativity.

Reading – Jamie’s a quick study here. He can often finish sentences after one or two reads, and quickly picks up on various objects in illustrations. He also has to be holding his own book while we read him another book. But don’t offer to read what he’s holding – it’s a trap. He’ll scream if you remove it from his hands. I do think he’ll be reading us the book he’s holding very shortly. By far, above average.

Math – What can I say? Jamie’s mother took all sorts of advanced math classes. Jamie’s father wants to start a petition on Change.org to have letters removed from math equations everywhere. Needless to say, I’m hoping he gets his mother’s sense for math. He counts very well. Sometimes he’ll drift off and mix his numbers up when he’s not paying close attention though. Too soon to tell.

Logic – The logic is there is no logic. The good news is he’s largely given up on his standard answer to every question, “No. Yes. No.” The bad news is he’s still denying the poop in his own diaper came from his rear end. Expecting logic from a 2-year-old is like expecting a World Series ring on the north side of Chicago. Some things just aren’t going to happen, but you’d love to be wrong.

Stay tuned for the following semester’s courses on potty training, how to walk without falling down or getting distracted, and eating a meal that doesn’t involve Cheerios or Gold Fish.